i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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