we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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