this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I love you.
Bad choice
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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