I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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