Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I need to align my fucking chakras
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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