the condom got lost in my hair
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
