The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
