At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
