Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
