i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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