when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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