This is not my ceiling
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
how drunk are you?
Several
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
