I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
