If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
