When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
