remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
