i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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