did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
