You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
