We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
