This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
