it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
