I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
