We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I deserve this hangover.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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