counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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