He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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