My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
