Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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