You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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