I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
