I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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