I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
