Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he shaved USA in his pubs
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
