nut hugger
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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