so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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