so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
