How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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