your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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