if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
