but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
