how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
