You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
