Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
