Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize