I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize