I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so let's talk penis.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
