In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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