I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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