u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
