Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
