Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
