dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
