nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize