i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Blood and glitter go together right?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
