I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
