I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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