would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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