I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
