dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
