Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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