and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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